all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She just used a chaser for red wine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
