I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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