My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
