how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
