He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize