Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
