Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
