i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
