Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
