then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize