She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
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