Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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