You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
