so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
