I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
