Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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