we're blogging at a bar
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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