I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
