just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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