Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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