I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
