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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
