i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
