apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I intend to get homeless drunk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
