happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Drunk is not a location!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
