Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
