i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
