it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
