ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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