I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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