WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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