I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
