Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Even my vagina gasped.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
