i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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