I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
