I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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