I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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