JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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