Me too!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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