Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
