that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
