Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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