why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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