I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
