i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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