I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize