I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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