I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
