When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i think my cat just said my name.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up under a house in Key West
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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