Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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