My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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