How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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