Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
