i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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