What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
