Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
