I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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