STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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