I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
