The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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