this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
