Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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