I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
