I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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