dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
