On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
