i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
