There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
