Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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