So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize